Yesteryear
by Angelenna
Summary: Bella returns home for her friend Alices' wedding only to end up running into the love of her life. The problem? She has to find a way to continue to move on without him and he isn't allowed to remember who she is.
1. Chapter 1

Yesteryear

I stood there wishing that I had the courage to go to him, but the truth was I couldn't. Even going to speak to him gave a possibility of setting him back in his recovery, so I had to stand back and pretend that the girl getting married wasn't my best friends' little sister, and that I didn't know her, all because her brother, and my ex boyfriend had no memory what so ever of me.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be the two up there exchanging wedding vows; promising to love one another until our dying breath, but it wasn't, and how could I tell Alice no on the church when Edward and I weren't going to be using it. The truth was, even though I wanted to tell her to find her own damn church and her own damn date, I couldn't do it, she was my friend, and the only one in her family that still talked to me like I hadn't lost the most important thing in my life, even though I had.

Edward and I had been childhood sweethearts. We had met in second grade when Mike, a boy that was older than all of us started picking on me and pulling my hair. Edward had come to my rescue, and we were inseparable ever since. Well, until the night of the accident. I still didn't understand how someone could get amnesia to the point that they remember everything about their life except their girlfriend.

I wasn't home when the accident happened. I had gotten the opportunity to go intern at a renowned publishing house for a semester, and he had told me to take it. Alice had called me when I had tried reaching him for three days and told me what had happened. Edward had been driving on the road heading to their parents' house for Sunday dinner when he lost control of his car and wrapped it around a tree. He was asleep for two days, but when he woke up; he remembered everything that had happened in the accident, his childhood, high school, everything but me.

I had come back from Chicago to see him that weekend, but his mother and father didn't think that it was a good idea for me to go into his room. They felt that there was a good chance that I would upset him when I tried to tell him who I was. I had argued with them that I had every right to see him, but they outright refused. Of course I didn't pay attention to what they had to say. I waited until they were gone and then snuck into his hospital room.

He was pretty banged up, but otherwise he looked like his normal self. I couldn't help the soft sob that escaped my lips when I saw him, and though he was sleeping, I think that it might have woken him up. His eyes had fluttered but stayed closed. I walked up to his bedside and lightly brushed his unruly hair off of his forehead, then brought my hand back to his cheek.

The last time I had been in a hospital, it was when my mother died. I was eleven, and Edward had stood by my side while I said my goodbyes to her. I knew as that memory crossed my mind, that Edward and I would never be the same. In that moment, I had turned back into my eleven year old former self, and just started talking.

"Edward, it's me, Bella. Your parents told me that you don't remember me, so I'm going to make this brief. Please, if you can hear me, don't open your eyes, it will just make it that much harder." The tears were pouring out of my eyes, and though I tried desperately to hold them in I couldn't. "You've rescued me from bullies, from fear, from the pain of my own mother's death, and you did it never asking me for something in return. You've been my every hope, every dream, my every inspiration, and the first time you need me, I'm not there. I'm so sorry sweetheart! I should have been here, and not in Chicago. I'm sorry that I can't make you remember me, and I'm sorry that we'll never do the things that we dreamed of. I just want you to know, I'm not going to be like those girls in the movies that force themselves on the victim, trying to make them remember, I'm going to leave you alone. I love you enough to believe that if we are truly meant to be, that you will find your way back to me. I don't want you to think that I'm giving up, because my heart will never give up on you, but this is something that you are going to have to do on your own. Please don't ever forget that I love you." I said as I leaned down to kiss him goodbye.

So now, here I was, home for Alice's wedding, pretending like I was a member of the groom's family, and sitting all the way in the back of the church. There was a part of me wanting to just leave before I'm spotted by her family. The other part wanted to stay and see him one last time. You see, after my goodbye to Edward, I had went back to Chicago, and decided to stay. It had been four years, six months, eight days, and too many hours that I had gone without seeing his face or hearing his voice, and today was the six month mark of me not crying myself to sleep over him. Sure the pain was still there, possibly just as bad as the day I left, but I had survived this long, so as long as he didn't speak, I should be able to survive this time.

I watched the ceremony and stood when the preacher pronounced them husband and wife. The moment they were clear out the door, I stood, and made my way out of the church to wish them my best, and then it was off to my dad's. Alice saw my approach and couldn't help the smile that came on her face. "Bella! You came!" she cried.

"I told you I would. Jasper, it's nice to see that you finally made an honest woman out of her."

"Bella, you are absolutely beautiful. I swear you never age."

"Thanks Jasper, since you seem to age rather rapidly." I replied laughing.

"Are you staying for the reception?" Alice asked me.

I couldn't stop my eyes from watering, but at least I didn't cry. "I don't think that is a good idea Alice. You know your brother is going to be there. I may be strong when it comes to being the bigger person, but believe me when I tell you, if I have to stay in a room with him, I'll be a total mess. I'm just going to head over to dads."

Alice looked at me for a moment as if she wanted to say something then decided better of it. "Your dad should be watching the game today." She commented.

"Yeah, but I'm only here until tomorrow night so I thought that I would cook him dinner and maybe pack up what's left of my stuff in the room. Dad says the memory of me has been haunting the house and freaking out his house guest, or something. I don't know, ever since he retired he's been a bit crazy. I keep asking him if he wants to move in with me, but you know dad." Just then I realized that I was holding up a line and Edward was coming this way. "Hey Alice, your brother at nine o'clock, call me later and I'll fill you in, okay?" I said as I stepped back and started walking away.

"Will do!" she called back, and as I thought that I was out of the woods, I heard Jasper say.

"Hey Bella! You still have one hell of an ass!" and that was when the shit hit the fan. I hear Carlisle and Esme Cullen yell my name, and instead of turning around I run to my car and dash out of there.

Being at dads was comforting to say the least; at least there was one place in which I still was happy, even with my memories of Edward here. I was in the kitchen when I heard the door open. Dad had been out fishing when I got into town, so I hadn't seen him yet. "Hey dad, I'm in the kitchen!" I called out, my nose in one of my mother's cookbooks.

I didn't get a response, which for Dad was unusual. Putting a marker on the page I was reading, I left the book on the table and exited the kitchen. The sight that was in my living room shocked me. There standing in the living room with my father was Edward Cullen. I couldn't help but think to myself that my own parent's house wasn't safe. I walked back out to the kitchen wrote a note to my father telling him that I was going to go for a walk and then left out the back door.

The tears were pouring down my face by the time I reached the woods, and the sobs were raking through my body as I passed the boulder that I used to sit on and write as a child. Was this horrible pain never going to get better? It was like God had this running joke on how many times he could make me break down and lose it.

I don't know how long I walked, but I finally stopped at an old abandoned cabin. When I was a child, Edward and I had found it accidentally, and though we tried to find it again, we were never successful, so I felt pretty confident that I would at least be alone for awhile here.

The Cabin was beautiful, and though I knew it was the same cabin from my childhood, it seemed as if it were well taken care of and maintained. Wild flowers grew all around the place giving it a homey feel, and though it made me sad to think that it was something Edward and I would never have, it was nice to know that someone would be lucky enough to have it.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I walked over to the door and knocked. There was no answer, so I looked inside. Nothing seemed too different, so I tried the door and was amazed that it was unlocked. I knew I shouldn't have gone in, but I couldn't help it. In some way I felt like Snow White going into the seven dwarfs' house, but the sense of belonging there trumped my normal overly righteous self and I started looking around.

The three room cabin was clean and tidy, just like I remembered it, and as I walked room to room I couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to be here, at this moment in time. For once everything felt right, and it hadn't felt that way since saying goodbye to Edward four years ago.

In the living area, I noticed a little desk that hadn't been there before which had some paper and writing utensils on it. It had been a long time, but I suddenly felt the urge to write. I sat there at that desk thinking of all the pains my life had brought and began to write.

I wrote of when I had met Edward, our adventures of childhood, falling in love with one another, and how one single event changed both of our lives forever. The truth of what was on paper made me laugh and cry, but when I was finished, I knew that I was finally able to move on. I don't know how long I sat there writing, or what time it was when I was finished, but I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to find my way back to my father's house in the dark. The best bet I had was to go out on first light in the morning. I tidied up the desk, leaving my writing sitting in the center, and made my way into the third room where a bed was waiting. I lifted the covers and climbed in, and for the first time in four years, I didn't dream of anything except happy memories from a childhood long forgotten.

I don't know what it was that woke me, be it the chill in the air or something else, but the fact was that I was now wide awake. Knowing that lying in this bed was going to be out of the question, I threw the blankets off of me, and got my feet dressed. I knew it was still dark out, but I figured that if I was up I might as well get my writing taken care of, and the cabin tidied up for the owner.

Walking out of the bedroom I noticed that the living room was too dark to make out anything but shadows, I was lucky if I could see my hand a foot away from my eyes.

The room was silent, just like the darkness that plagued it, but something told me that I was not alone in the cabin, that someone was here. Sure enough as I began to walk towards the door that entered into the kitchen, I felt it. Their arm shot out and grabbed a hold of mine. As I was about to scream, a hand came and covered my mouth. "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

I would have known that voice anywhere, and though the fear left my body momentarily, it instantly came back. I wasn't supposed to be here, well around him, and yet fate had brought us together again, just in the most unlikely circumstances. At first I didn't know if I could say anything, but I also knew that I didn't know this Edward; he wasn't the boy from my childhood that I loved so much any longer, now her was a stranger to me, and I to him.

He released my mouth but held me to him. "Are you going to tell me who the hell you are, and what the fuck you are doing in my house?"

I couldn't make my lips move, but I was able to nod my head to him, and I knew he felt it. After getting my heart rate slowed down, and my breathing under control, I took a deep breath. "My name is Isabella Fields, and I got lost in the woods." I said softly. "I stumbled upon this cabin and when no one answered, though I knew it was wrong I entered anyway. I'm sorry for coming in here and if you would just be so kind as to let me stay until first light, I promise to be out of here right at that moment."

"Isabella Fields, you said?" I couldn't tell if he believed the lie or not, but if it got me so that the cops weren't called and he found out my real name all was good.

"Yes, now can I ask who you are?"

It took him a moment to answer, I was guessing that he was unsure if he wanted me to know who he was, but then he relaxed slightly and said. "Edward."

Relief filled my soul with the knowledge that he at least trusted me enough with his name. Maybe he could trust me enough to let go of my body as well. "Edward," I said slowly. "Would you be willing to let me go so that I can sit down?"

Without a single hesitation he released me, and I stumbled over to the chair and sat. Edward made his way to the light switch and flipped it up bringing soft light into the house. I looked at him then, knowing that these next couple of hours would be our last, and was amazed at the changes to him.

He was still breathtakingly beautiful, with black ruffled hair, and eyes the color of the sea, and the way he was looking at me told me that he was staring into my soul. I couldn't keep looking at him for fear that he would figure out who I really was, but his next words confirmed that he knew who I was.

"So now that I've shown some good faith and released you, do you mind paying me the same courtesy and stop lying to me?"

With a heavy sigh and a sad heart I nodded. Keeping my eyes lowered towards my feet I said softly. "I'm Isabella Swan, John Swan's daughter."

"I saw you run off today when I came by with your father. Why did you do that? He told me that he hasn't seen you in nearly five years."

"I live and work in Chicago. My work is my life, and I came home for a wedding. Your sister Alice and I were friends years ago, and she invited me to the wedding. I didn't think it would be right not to show up on this day for her." I stated simply, but it was like he knew there was more to it.

"If that were the case, then why did you rush off when my parents called your name at the wedding, and the fact that you didn't even show up to her reception?"

He had me there, but luckily I had a viable excuse for my absence. "I leave to go back to Chicago tomorrow night, and I wanted to spend a little time with my father."

"That doesn't explain why you ran when you saw me there with him."

"Can you stop with the third degree already, god you're not my mother." I said getting irritated at him for asking too many questions. He was tempting fate and I wasn't interested in being the one to open Pandora's Box.

"I would if I didn't think you were hiding something." He stated simply.

"And what is it that you think I could be hiding?" I asked him staring at him like he held all the answers, even though if the truth were to be told, I was the one with them all. "I told you who I am, why I was at your sister's wedding, what could I possibly be hiding from you?"

He looked me dead in the eyes and without missing a beat said softly. "The fact that I don't know who you are, but you have haunted my dreams for over four years."

I gasped at the information. It wasn't every day that a person got an opportunity like this, and though I desperately wanted to tell him who I was and what he meant to me, I knew that would be selfish. I didn't want him to remember me through dreams; I wanted him to remember me in his life, through our memories of each other, things that he would never be able to understand. No, I wouldn't take the chance of telling him, knowing that there was a possibility of it all blowing up in my face. I would take the safe route, the route that would protect his mind and safe my heart from breaking all over again.

"I don't know what it is you think I'm not telling you, but the truth is I have only seen you once, other than tonight, I left Alice's wedding because though she is a good friend of mine, seeing her today reminded me that we are no longer alike in any regard, and as for at my fathers place, I don't play well with others."

"So this has nothing to do with the fact that I have been told that you and I used to date when we were kids?" Edward asked staring me straight in the eye, knowing that I would be unable to turn away from him.

"If we dated, don't you think you would remember that?" I asked softly.

Edward stood then and walked over to the desk. I watched him for a moment until I realized that he was picking up the pages I had written. He calmly walked back over to me and sat down never taking his eyes off them. "I'm going to read something to you, and I just want you to sit there and listen. Can you do that?"

"Do I have any other choice?" I stated sadly.

"No, really you don't. I don't have a way out of here till the morning, and I'm not going to let you leave until there is enough light that you can at least find your way back to your father's." He looked at me again and sighed. "Maybe this," he stated holding up the pages, "will help us both." And with that, the longest night of my life began with Edward Cullen reading the words of our life story.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So first of all here is chapter one. I'm going to post about once a week. I wanted to let everyone know that this story is one I wrote a couple of years ago for personal writing, and if a name here or there doesn't fit, I'm sorry. I have proof-read these chapters, but I'm not perfect, and without a beta, I'm sort of flying without direction... I hope you enjoy this chapter, and PLEASE let me know what you think. It's a sad chapter, so I thought I would warn you now. Enjoy!**

Chapter One

_I can still smell the wildflowers as if it were only yesterday. The sounds of children running through the school grounds and laughing at each other still haunt my mind, but not for unpleasant reasons. I was eight when I started school at Maple Elementary; my father had taken a job as a county commissioner, and moving was part of the job description._

_At first I was angry about it, I had lived in our little house with both my mother and father since birth, and moving away from my friends was killing me. I was a rather shy girl, and making friends was hard for me._

_Dad had taken me to school that morning after my mother basically beat me into a dress, and walked me to my classroom. If that wasn't embarrassing enough he had to kiss me in front of the entire class. I knew in that moment I was never going to be the same, and the truth of it was, everything changed, I was just to young to realize it yet._

_The teacher, I think her name was Mrs. Beck, walked me to the front of the class and introduced me as Isabella Swan, where I quickly responded softly with Bella. She told me to go sit in the empty seat by a little boy with reddish hair named Edward, and promptly I did._

_I didn't tell him hello, or speak to anyone as I took my seat, I knew that it would only be a little while before my fellow classmates found out that I was way too smart to be in this class. I was eight and could already read and write at a tenth grade level; surely it wouldn't take long for them to start making fun of me._

_I was right on some of my thoughts; the children did make fun of me, well, all but one, Edward. He didn't speak to me, but the small smiles that he sent my way every once and awhile meant the world to me. If I were to be honest with myself, I think that was when I actually started to like Edward, though back then if I were asked I would have said no, and that I had no time to like boys, but I liked Edward. He was quiet, and kept to himself, smart, but didn't like to flaunt it, and he was everything that I wanted to be._

_He could talk to the other children without worrying about looking overly smart, where I was never that lucky. I would sit in class finished with my work within minutes after getting it, and read playwrights from Shakespeare, or write pages upon pages about people in general. It was how I passed the time. Sure, I could have moved up levels in school, but my parents felt that I would be missing out on the importance of child development and making friends._

_It was probably the third month into school when Michael Newton, a boy who was repeating the second grade, started picking on me worse than the other kids. His taunting remarks wounded me like no others, and he made me start to hate school. It wasn't my fault that I was naturally smart, or that I was able to do things a bit faster than most, but the fact that I didn't hide it, didn't pretend to fit in must have bugged him._

_I remember the incident that was the beginning of my and Edward's friendship. It was early December, and the first large snowfall had just happened. We were out at recess, which I hated, when he decided to pick on me. Normally I was pretty good at hiding when he came around, but today I was more interested with the ice that formed on the trees. Nature was rather beautiful to me, and I loved how winter looked. The trees, bare of their leaves, snow and ice covering the branches as they slept, truthfully it was the most beautiful sight my eyes ever saw._

_Michael had somehow made his way behind me, and before I even had a chance, I felt snow running down my bare back. He had lifted my jacket and shoved it down the back of my shirt. I screamed and turned to face him. I didn't know why, but something in his facial expression made me nervous. I looked at his tattered jacket, and well-worn boots and my heart sagged. I knew that though this day had started out with pure beauty and grace that it was going to end with tears and sadness._

_"Mike! Why do you have to pick on me?" I said so softly that I almost didn't think I said it out loud. "What have I ever done to you to make you hate me so much?"_

_The expression on Michael's face was haunting and the words that shot from his mouth still stick with me today. With eyes cold as steel, he squared his shoulders, then pushed me as hard as he could to the ground. He then towered over me and with a sadistic laugh said. "I'm mean to you because you need it. You make us all look bad, and I hate you." He then for good measure began to kick snow upon me, laughing gleefully. The tears that I began to shed at that moment had no effect on him other than to taunt me more. "Aw, does the little baby hate the snow?" Poor baby, here let's get you to like the snow."_

_It was then that he came running into the battle to save me. He ran straight into Michael knocking him down and they began to throw punches. I was so frightened at the time that I couldn't will my body to move, though I desperately wanted to. Finally I was able to get my body to coöperate with my brain and stand up; I then ran over to Edward and pulled him from Michael. "Edward stop!" I cried. "You're going to get into trouble!"_

_It was as if a veil was lifted from his eyes and he saw me. He immediately let go of Michael and looked at me. "Are you alright?" he asked._

_I sighed and sadly smiled. "Yes, and thank you for saving me."_

_He just nodded at first and began to turn away when Michael decided to speak. "You know you can't always be there right?"_

_Edward looked down at Michael, and seeing the defiance within his eyes he knelt next to him and said softly. "Leave her alone. She's a nice girl, and she doesn't deserve this from you let alone anyone else." He then stood back up, walked over to me, and extending his hand for me to take said. "You can sit with me, and play. I promise never to hurt you."_

_I took his words to heart that day, and I never stopped believing that what he said was true, until four and a half years ago, but that was out of his control._

I sat there and listened to Edward read the first true memory of us, wondering what there was to say for it. We were eight, and the only reason why I felt that memory was so important was because he had rescued me from a monstrous bully.

I looked up at him and watched as he took the two pages and placed them down beside him. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but for the first time in a long time I actually wanted to know. Without looking at me, he sighed and said. "So we met in second grade and became friends that winter?"

"Yes." I stated simply.

"So you have known me for almost seventeen years."

"You could look at it like that." I said softly. "You were really very good to me, Edward. You watched out for me and didn't allow anything to hurt me, well almost anything."

He looked up at me then, his eyes reading of the past, of the pain of not remembering. It was as if he had a great pain within his heart, and he didn't want to express it.

"What is it Edward?" I asked him. He was about to say it was nothing, but I stopped him. "You can tell me, I promise not to tell a soul."

It took him a minute, but finally nodded. "I remember that memory, but I didn't know that was you. It was so long ago, and for some reason I retained that one thing. No person deserves to be picked on for being smart, and a boy should never hurt a girl, ever." He stated angrily. "Who was he to treat you that way? You didn't even bother anyone! You were quite and stayed to yourself. What did it matter that you read things like Romeo and Juliet, or that you were better at everything than the rest of us. You were the one that kept us on our toes, and made us strive to do better than our normal, to be the best kid in class."

I smiled at his words, they were a repeat from high school when we talked about that day years later. He had hated that I didn't stand up for myself, but he was more than willing to do it for me. He truly was a wonderful friend to me, and that thought made my heart ache for the friendship that he and I had once shared.

I don't know how long I had stayed quiet, but Edward was willing to pull me out of my thoughts. "Isabella, if we have been friends this long, why is it you never tried to have me remember you?"

I stared at him for a moment, trying to get the wording right for his answer, and then sighed. "I didn't want to be one of those girls that fight to get your attention. That, and the fact that your parents made it clear that trying to talk to you about us could potentially ruin any progress you made had me taking a step back. You'll find out more as you read Edward."

With that Edward lifted the pages back to his lap and looked down at them. "Can I ask one more question before we continue?" he asked me.

I didn't know if it was a wise idea to allow him to read these memories, they were mine and mine alone, but my conscience told me that he had every right to know the truth that had been kept from him, and since I was the only one able to give him these memories that it was my duty to allow him into my mind. So with the knowledge that he could potentially hate me by first light, I looked him straight in the eye and nodded.

"Are these all of your memories?" he asked me.

I thought for a moment. I was sure that they weren't all there, but the important ones were for sure. I shook my head no. "It isn't that they shouldn't be there Edward, but the fact of the matter is that these memories that you are reading are the ones that were personal and important to me. You and I have been through so much together, too much together really, and when I sat down and wrote these out, I wasn't thinking about you personally, or even our situation, I was thinking about my life and how much things had changed, but I promise to answer your questions as they come to you in the best possible way that I can."

And so with that said, Edward looked down at my writing and began to read again. "Have you ever noticed the smell of hospitals when you walk inside them…?"

_Have you ever noticed the smell of a hospital when you walk inside them? The stench of antiseptic and cleaning supplies invade your nose and at least for me, make me want to gag. I've never liked hospital, and this time was no better, if anything it was worse._

_My mother was dying. There was no miracle cure when you had stopped responding to treatment, and there was nothing that could be done. There was no donor that matched her, no avenging angel that would come down and fix the terrible injustice that was taking place inside my mother's body, just a frail woman in her late thirties that no longer had the strength to fight._

_My mother was a miracle worker in her own right. For the longest time I thought she was possibly a super hero. She could be up have breakfast made and on the table, my school clothes out for me to get dressed, and my backpack all set and ready before I even ascended the stairs for breakfast every morning. She was always positive, and never seemed saddened by anything, but she would be the first to jump up and declare any type of injustice that was done to her baby girl (me)._

_She was so happy the day I came home and told here that I had finally made a real friend, and even more pleased when she got to actually meet Edward for the first time. It's funny when I think about it now, the memory of her in the kitchen when she started singing 'Hey Jude" by the Beatles when I told her his name. And what was better was that she would sing that when she saw him switching Jude for Edward. I wonder if she was trying to tell me something even back then._

_Edward had come with me to the hospital to bring my mother some daisies; they were her favorite flower and I had grown them in my room so that I could give them to her. I knew she had stopped responding to treatment, but I wasn't ready for what awaited me in her room, but then again what eleven year old girl is?_

_The corridor to her room was basically bare with just a few paintings hanging on the hallway walls. It was nothing to write home about, but the stench of the antiseptic and cleaning supplies were making me dizzy and sick to my stomach. I reached for Edward's hand, grateful for him coming with me today. I didn't know why, but I was sure that for some reason this would be the last time I was going to be able to see and speak to my mother._

_We made our way to the door, and as Edward was about to open it, I held back. The tears were already in my eyes, and I knew that I couldn't let the last thing I was willing to do was to allow my mother to see me weak. She hadn't raised me that way, and I didn't want her to remember me as being frightened of what was happening to her._

_I took a moment to wipe my eyes and a deep breath, let go of Edward's hand and walked into my mother's room for the last time._

_I couldn't help but stare at first; she was covered in tubes that led to machines, she had no hair, and she was frail. I couldn't help but ask myself why this was happening to her. She was only thirty-seven; she wasn't supposed to be bald. She was supposed to be dancing around the house singing at the top of her tone-deaf lungs making my ears hurt but my smile wide, not lying in a hospital bed where she couldn't be around her family and friends. One solitary tear slipped from my eye, and once I knew that it had dried, I walked over to my mother's bedside and took hold of her bony hand._

_"Mommy," I said softly. She didn't respond. "Mommy, it's me, Bella." I said softly leaning down to kiss her forehead._

_It took her such a long time to open her eyes that I almost told her to keep them closed, but I wanted to see her eyes one last time before I knew I wouldn't again. When she finally opened them and looked at me, it was like I was staring into my own eyes. Her jade green eyes were filled with such wonder and excitement that I knew she was about to go on to heaven. Finally in a soft scratchy voice she said. "Hi baby, aren't you early today?"_

_I held back my tears and smiled. "No mommy, I'm right on time." I didn't want to look at anything but her face, I wanted to take in her features and commit them to memory. Though her face was basically skin and skull and her eyes were starting to sink into their sockets, she was still beautiful. "I brought you some daisies for your room."_

_She had been staring at me face, I think she was doing the same thing I was doing, and then looked over to my hand where I held the daisies that I had brought for her. "Thank you baby, they're beautiful. Why don't you go and put them in water." It was then that she noticed Edward, and she smiled. "Hey Jude," she began singing. "Don't take it bad." I looked over at Edward then and noticed that he had tears in his eyes. "Take a sad song, and make it better."_

_That made him smile. Mom was always good at changing Edward's mood with just that part of that song. He walked over to her and leaned down to plant a small kiss on her forehead just like I had. "Hi Mrs. Swan."_

_I felt as if my world were ending, and yet beginning for the first time. I had never known someone who was dying before my mother, but I had always thought that people, children in particular were frightened of the sight of death. Edward never looked as if he feared what was happening to my mother, but it wasn't something that we had talked about either._

_I slowly walked back over to my mother and Edward stepped away. "Mommy, how are you feeling today?" I asked her._

_She smiled though it was painful for her. "I'm feeling pretty good today baby, but I want to talk to you." She lifted her hand for me to come closer and take, which I did. I will never for the life of me forget just how cold her hand was, or the smell of her essence that surrounded me in that moment. The closest I will ever come to the scent again is summer rain._

_"You know what's going to happen, don't you baby?" she started and I nodded. "You know I'm not going to be around much longer and that mommy is going to be going up to heaven to sing with the angels?"_

_"Yes mommy, I know." I whispered._

_"I always knew you were a smart little girl, smarter than even your daddy gave you credit for." She laughed. "Now listen sweetie, just because mommy isn't going to be here, that doesn't mean that I'm not going to watch you from where I am. I am always going to be with you, no matter what, and when you need someone to talk to; you will always have me to listen, even if I can't talk to you back. When the time comes that you need to talk to someone about personal things, go see Mrs. Cullen, she will be waiting for you, okay?"_

_"Yes mommy."_

_My mother looked at Edward then. "Come here Edward." She said with a smile. As Edward approached us I couldn't stop myself from reaching for his hand._

_"Yes Mrs. Swan?" he asked. I looked over at him and noticed that his facial expression was one I had never seen before. He looked as though he had the world on his shoulders and there wasn't a damn thing that he could do about it. My heart ached for him in that moment. I was sure that he had never seen anyone that he had known die before either, and that this was having the same effect on him as it was having on me._

_"Listen to me, both of you." My mother started. "You two have been the best of friends since second grade, and I know you two will be friends for a lot longer than that. I want you two to remember something, that no matter what, you two have a bond that no one can break. Make sure you look out for each other no matter what. Help each other with whatever it is that you both are going through, and remember that the two of you together are so much stronger than you are alone. Isabella, you watch out for Edward and Edward you keep that little girl next to you safe. Do you both understand me?"_

_"Yes Mommy." I said, feeling the tears wanting to escape my hold upon them. "We hear you loud and clear."_

_"Edward?" she asked looking at him._

_"Mrs. Swan, I promise I will always protect her." He whispered, and I knew that he had meant it. He hadn't let me down yet, and I had the strangest feeling that he wouldn't let me down ever._

_"Good, now give your mommy a kiss baby." And I did. "I love you sweetheart, and you be a good girl like I know you are."_

_"I will mommy, I promise." I whispered in fear that if my voice got any louder that she would be able to hear my agony within my voice. "I love you mommy." I said as I leaned in to kiss her. "So much it hurts."_

_"And I love you twice as much." She whispered back before closing her eyes._

_That was the last time I saw my mother. Edward and I walked out of her hospital room and straight out of the building. As we began to walk, we passed an old weeping willow tree and I finally allowed my tears to fall. They started out silent, but all to soon gut wrenching sobs came out of me as I fell to my knees. Edward was there and gathered me in his arms._

_As he stroked my hair he whispered. "It's going to be okay Bells, I promise. Everything is going to be okay. No matter what you are always going to have me." And though his words registered, they were not the voice I wanted to hear them from. I wanted my mother, I wasn't ready to be a motherless child, to learn the ways for life and love from my father or someone else._

_Who was going to help me when I had my first date, and wait up to hear all about it? Who was going to gossip with me about penny anti crap until the early morning light? No, I wasn't going to have that chance to enjoy the pleasantries of a mother, and I couldn't even find a beginning to think that it was even slightly fair._

_I threw myself away from Edward. Looking at him, all I saw in that moment was a boy who was still going to have a mother, whose family wasn't about to be torn at the seams like mine had been, and though I knew I had no right to direct my anger at him, he was the one that got it._

_"It's not going to be okay, Edward!" I screamed. "It's never going to be okay!" The tears were rolling down my face, but for the first time I wasn't ashamed to have them, I wasn't thinking about the pain I was feeling, because I wanted someone to feel as I felt._

_"You stand there looking at me with sadness in your eyes, but you're the one that gets to go home and sit with your mother and not have to think about if this one moment is going to be the last, and for me it is!" I cried. "My mother is dying, and there is nothing that can be done to fix her, to make her okay! You can't promise me that everything is going to be okay, because it isn't! Mommy is up there," I said pointing to the hospital. "And each breath that she takes could potentially be her last! Do you have any idea what it's like to know that, to have known that your mother is dying, and not be able to stop it?!" and with that I ran as fast and as hard as I could away from Edward. I couldn't believe that I had screamed at him like that, but I couldn't bring myself to say that I was sorry. He said that he would protect me, that he wouldn't let me hurt, but there were things in this world that even Edward couldn't protect me from, and this was one of them._

_I don't know how long I ran or how I even found my way home, but somehow I had, and I was grateful; well at least until I reached for the door knob. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to open the door, it wasn't that I felt that this place wasn't my home, but more so that I knew walking into that house was just going to prove that no matter how much I prayed or how good of a child I was that my mother wasn't going to get any better. That it just wasn't going to matter, so I sat there on the side of the porch, just counting as the sun began to set into the horizon, wishing that my mother could be sitting with me, brushing my hair like she always did, as I told her about my day._

_It's funny, but right at that moment, as I was thinking of my mother, all I wanted other than her was Edward, and the things I had said to him came flooding into my mind, and the sobs began again._

_I had hurt him. I had intentionally said horrible things to him and hurt him because I was hurt. I had hurt my Edward, my best friend, and he would probably never speak to me again. It was that moment, when those thoughts were running wild in my head that I felt a hand brush against my head and down my hair, and I knew, I just knew that it was Edward._

_"Pretty girl, why are you sitting here all alone?" he whispered into my ear like he always did to get my attention._

_Without turning my head I whispered. "Because I broke my best friends' heart because mine is breaking."_

_He gathered me into his arms and sighed. "If your best friend can't see that you're scared and hurting, then they aren't your best friend." He said, and I thought that I detected a trace of a smile upon his lips at his next words. "And I would like to think that I have tougher skin than that."_

_I sat there with him, watching the sun fall, thinking that though I was losing my mother, at least I wasn't losing my Edward._

_My mother died in the hospital that night while I sat there with Edward. My father came outside and told us that she passed, but somehow Edward and I had already known. I didn't stay at my house that night, or the night after that; it was just too hard to go in there knowing that she wasn't going to be in there too. Instead, I stayed at Edward's house and we shared his room. He would hold me while I cried, and I would hold him tighter than I ever thought was possible. I knew then, in that moment, while I was surrounded by death, that I loved him, and that I was going to need him just as much as he choose to need me._

Tears were swimming in my eyes as he read those words to me. My mother was not a subject I was ever actually comfortable with talking about, even with Edward, but my Edward had always known what it was that I was thinking and feeling, so we never needed to talk about it.

I stared at him, waiting to see what it was that he was going to say. If he would even be able to understand how it was that a girl he hardly knew now had felt such great emotion for him at the tender age of eleven. He had a look of confusion on his face, and I knew what I was going to need to say.

"Edward, stop trying to remember, it is either going to come to you or not." I said softly.

He looked up. "It's not that." He stated. "It's that I remember someone singing that song to me, but I thought it was my mother."

I laughed at that moment. His mother, unlike my own could at least hold a note. "Are you daft? Your mom can sing, my mother could make dogs five blocks away howl, we tested that."

For some reason he started laughing too. "What were you like after your mother died?" he asked suddenly.

Edward had always been a straight forward person, but the question none the less caught me off guard. "Excuse me?" I asked.

"Well, I'm just trying to get a feel on how you changed when your mother died."

I looked him dead in the eye and in that moment, staring into his stormy eyes, I felt like that eleven year old girl all over again. "Everything about me changed, yet somehow stayed the same. I didn't become a party animal or disruptive child; I didn't sneak out other than when we were grounded and when I would sneak out, it would be to come to your house. Our parents could never keep us apart, but for a very long time, I didn't speak to your mother. It just hurt so much to know that though your mom considered me practically one of her own, that she wasn't my mom, and it just felt wrong.

"I remember this one time I had come over to your house; we were in junior high and had English together. Our teacher assigned you and I as partners for Romeo and Juliet, and we had to act out one of the scenes from that play. I walked in like I normally did, and I followed your voice into the kitchen where you were reciting your lines with your mom. I was so angry, not at you mind you, or at your mom, but at the fact that my mom wasn't around to help me or to see my first acting scene when you and I were done. It actually hurt to watch the relationship that you had with your mother since I was stripped of the right to have one with mine.

"But I am straying from your question, I'm sorry. The changes that were noticeable were that I withdrew deeper into myself, I didn't let anyone in other than you, and you forced that." I felt a smile ease onto my face. "You kept me sane, Edward, when I thought that no one could. You were my knight in shining armor, taking what pain you could away, and I loved you for it, I still love you for it."

"But everything changed between us after that huh?" he asked me looking down at his feet.

"It did." I acknowledged sadly. "But the story to that is within those pages that you hold. I'm sure we will get to them eventually."


End file.
